conflicted

the wind is roaring outside. i just woke up when c.j. came to bed and i can't get back to sleep. i think the wind is making me crazy. it is loud and angry. when i look out the window the massive trees behind our house are bending and waving and thrashing around. it makes me feel uncomfortable. as the storm clouds grew black and rolled into calgary today i fought off a headache that eventually had me quit everything i was doing and lay down. it was in my eyebrows and neck. i couldn't function. it was the wind. snow doesn't bother me. rain and sleet are fine, but the wind. it is like it's unstoppable and loud and pushy.

i have been compiling my blog entries by year to publish in a book. i completed 2006 the other day. it had 216 pages in it. lots of pictures. i think i have lost a year and a half of my life when i switched over to iweb. i don't have access now and can not retrieve it. it makes me sick. to lose all that information and memories.

i was thinking about blogging the other day and now tonight again while the wind whips around me. why do i blog? why don't i just make my blog private and really pour my guts out. who is reading this? should people be reading this? will i look back and wished i was more honest or detailed? how do i find the balance between journaling and "keeping in touch". i am just not sure how to do this. am i doing it all wrong? do i stop?

i was looking back through my archives.

july 9, 2009:

july 11, 2010:

pretty much one year apart.

a year ago when that picture was taken, our house we were sitting in was sold and the movers came the next day to take it all away into storage. this year, we are in a new house and still contemplating a move.

will the madness never end?

oh, windy wind. settle down. i need some peace and quiet.