add it to the menu...

yeah, no pictures tonight. i have shots to share, but they are on 3 different cameras and unfortunately i am too lazy to download them this very second.

we participated in another food trial this week. i had a good feeling about PEARS and indeed, no reaction. she even seemed interested in eating them, which, was just like heaven. no tears, no struggling, no problems. still a bit apprehensive, but she did open wide for a couple of bites, just like she was a eating pro! ya-hoo!

on tuesday we are going to try wheat, which i have to say, i am worried about. i think she will have a reaction. they think we need to rule it out. problem is, we have to try everything and inevitably there will be some things that work and others that don't. i just really don't like the reaction to the things that don't work {and neither does ida}.

i have found that i am really drained when i get home on these trial days. just emotionally and physically drained. it didn't ever cross my mind that i would feel this way, but i am finding that this is happening. i was much better prepared this week than last week. i packed a lunch, brought my journal to catch up on, tucked away some toys for ida. it all went smoothly.

things are slowly getting accomplished at our new house. the basement is coming along, not on schedule, but it is getting there. c.j. will be able to move his studio equipment in by wednesday or thursday of next week. the rest of the house is being put away. there are some things that are still missing, like our winter coats {HELLO! we are cold}, the main base for our cordless phones and some essential pieces to ida's crib... which we will be trying to get ida to sleep in {wish me luck with that task, as you know she still nurses all night long.... can't they just make a crib big enough for the both of us, OH YA, it's called a BED}.

we had parent/teacher conferences this morning. eli has such a nice teacher. things are well and eli is doing terrific at school. good kid.

we went to "fantastic mr. fox" this evening. it was fantastic. wes anderson is fantastic.

i am falling asleep sitting up. it is a sign, good night.

C-A-R-R-O-T-S

sneak peak: working on our christmas card photo
ida hanging out in our new living room
homemade carrrrrrrrots
our new diggs
pooped out from getting a IV and eating
i woke up and this thing was on my arm...
barf bowls make good hats
holding onto dads finger
c.j. popping in for a visit

can you say we have been busy?

friday we took possession of our new home. we honestly can't believe it's ours and we are in a house again. mom and dad have helped immensely by bringing several loads over on the weekend. we have had jeff and a construction crew working like crazy in the basement developing it for c.j.'s new studio space. they are doing a really great job. it is going to look amazing when they are done. the appliances have been delivered, some are working some still need to be installed... i have spent days at the house unpacking box after box. when we originally moved we had the house professionally packed thinking it would need to make the long trip down the california. so, as i am unpacking, i am amazed at just how awesome things were wrapped up. i haven't found any casualties yet, nothing broken or funny.

yesterday ida had her first food trial. i have to say i was quite nervous for her, even though i thought for sure carrots would pass the test. so, the night before, i couldn't sleep, i felt like i was having mini anxiety attacks and had to take some big, deep breaths. at about 4:30 i finally was able to get to sleep. 6:30 came too soon but we got ready and got to the Medical Day Treatment clinic on time. they had an area all set up for ida, the nurses were so kind. one nurse thought i looked familiar and we determined that she took care of eli when he had RSV and was in the hospital for a week just before he turned one. what are the odds?? anyho, they set ida up with a IV {something she wasn't very happy about}, then i had to get some carrots in her. now, this was no easy feat. she gagged, she cried, she chocked, she spit it out, she wouldn't swallow, she shook her head, she was not happy. keep in mind, this was the first real exposure to "food". carrots are a strong taste and even though it was thin, it was really strange for her texture wise {i am assuming}. i got 1/2 tsp-ish into her and she konked right out. she woke up right around the 2 hour mark, when a reaction would typically happen...10 minutes passed, 20 minutes passed... 40 minutes passed... OK, this is a good sign... so the dietician wanted me to now give her double the dose {about 2 tsp} and wait and see if this would produce anything. 1/2 tsp was hard, 2 tsp's was ridiculous. it was more of the same thing, but at this point the white tissue T i was wearing from JCrew was toast, the black wool sweater over top of that had a shoulder smeared with carrots and my left boob was getting oranger and oranger {sorry mom}. the only way i could get the carrots down was to struggle to get a spoonful in then follow that with some nursing. it took about 20 minutes to get that 2 tsps down and then she was out again. this time around i was frustrated, tired, carrot stained and spent. now, it was just a waiting game. at about 2:30 i had been there about 6 hours and i thought, it was kind of like flying. you have a little chair, kind of confined to a small space, not a lot of food. i thought at the end of this flight we will either be in "carrotopia" or going down in flames. i am happy to say, carrots passed the test and we arrived safely. i had given her last dose at 12:30ish and by the time we left at 4:00 she still had no reaction. so, now over the next week we are going to continue to introduce carrots on her terms. we are going to let her touch them, smear them, taste them, feel them and get her excited about eating in a positive way because if every week is like it was this week i might go mental. eating can not be this painful.

it will all work itself out, she will be a pro by next week. on the menu: PEARS. i can't wait.

thoughts @ 2:39 am

i like being a mom.

i have nursed ida probably 4 times since she hit the sack around 8:30. i don't really know how much she is getting, it is the kind of nurse that happens when she wakes up like a little lamb, with closed eyes and her mouth wide open searching for me. sometimes its for milk, sometimes its just for soothing. i guess i have turned myself into a feeding/soothing machine. some would say its a terribly bad habit.

she sleeps with me too. some would also say that is unnatural, unsafe and the worst habit to get into....

i love nursing ida and i love that ida sleeps with me. my experience as a mother has been amazingly enriched by these two things. when eli was little i did the same thing. i have cherished memories of snuggling him, watching him sleep, holding him close. so, so dear to me.

these kids are little just once. ida is growing up too fast. it brings me to tears to think she is almost one and i feel like i have mentally "missed" this entire year because it has been too hectic and stressful and unsure.

i guess that is why, in the darkness of the night, when i do not sleep because she wants to nurse/be soothed, it's o.k.. or if i do not get a 12 hour sweet slumbering sleep, that is also alright. because, i like being a mom. i like to see that she is alright and happy. i don't mind sacrificing my wants for her needs. besides, she won't nurse forever and they won't be sleeping with me when they are 19, so why fuss when this is all part of the experience for me. in the grand scheme of things, it's a short, fleeting time when she is little and just needs to be taken care of by her mom.

we all do it differently. i hope you are enjoying your experience.

a sample of "The Samples"

this video has a brief introduction, skip ahead to the song, you will not be disappointed.




boy, oh boy. this band reminds me of my good old college days. i actually saw these guys when at the salt palace in salt lake city when i was attending the university of utah. it was such a good show. i hope you like them too.

sleeping in the shower

we are finally crawling out of the sick bin around here. the residual coughing and blowing of noses that happens after being ill is almost over {even though i woke up this morning with a pounding head, sore ears and sinus?!? what is this all about...} anyho, more importantly, the kids are in the clear and on the mend.

over the weekend i was taking a shower. since we have been staying here at mom and dads, the majority of the time if ida needs a bath, she pops in the shower with one of us. there is one tub here which we use occasionally but it is in my parents room. ida is getting too big for the laundry sink so what is easier than hopping in the shower with the little lady. she LOVES it. she kicks and squeals with delight as she is being handed in but as soon as she is in your arms she snuggles up like a little monkey, holds on tight and lays her head down on your shoulder. no squirming, no fussing, just pure relaxation. as i was saying, over the weekend i was taking a shower and ida was coming with me. she snuggled up, laid her head down and i rocked back and forth letting the water splash her back. i washed her hair, soaped her up, all clean. now, usually after laying there for awhile she will raise her head, peak around, try to catch the water on her tongue and then settle back into position, but this time she just laid there... ida, idy, idddaaaaa. hmmm, that is weird, let's see what is going on here... i moved her away from my shoulder and her little sleepy eyes opened slowly, she smiled at me, then she settled back to sleep. ASLEEP?! she fell asleep?? oh, it was so sweet. i could have stood there all day in the warm water holding that little lady. she was just like a cherub laying there in my arms, her plump pink cheeks and dewy eyelashes. i kind of didn't know what to do at that point. i thought about what a rude awakening it was going to be when i stopped the shower and step out into the chilly air to get a towel. oddly enough, she stayed asleep. i was able to wrap her up, get her dry and a diaper on without a squawk. she slowly awoke as i was rubbing lotion on her tummy, she was just happy and low-key, kind of like how you feel when you finish getting a massage. oh, ida. could you make my life any happier? thank you for the little tender moment.

good morning sunshine

i took these as ida woke her little sleepy eyes this morning. it is so good to have her back from ill-ville.

halloweiner

watch out world, the "e" machine superhero has been born
eli bundled up to at least say he left the house last week and collect a small amount of candy from the neighbours.
e-machines trusty sidekick "snooty monkey"


ida "stonewall" burton
a lot of this has been going on...

there isn't a morning that goes by that, as i lay here in bed, that i can look out the window and something is walking through mom and dads backyard. this morning it was some deer. the other day it was a moose. one night, it was a loudly grunting porcupine. a few weeks ago a deer was literally right up against the window eating moms dying tomato plants. that same morning, i got out of the shower, began to towel off, felt like something was watching me, looked to my left and i swear it was that same deer! face pressed up against the glass about 4 feet away.

creep.

oh, it has been a long haul it seems like. not a lot of sleep. but a lot of snot, coughing, gagging, barfing, pushing tylenol, nursing, sleeping sitting up, worrying, checking temps, sucking out snot, more snot, wiping sad eyes, holding, carrying, patting, wondering, praying, watching.

we weren't tested, but i am going to say/predict/shout-it-from-the-rooftops we had the flu here this last while. it presented as a croupy cold for the kids, but we got all the flu symptoms, fever, aches, sore throat, etc. i will say it is quite miserable, especially for ida. i have not been able to put her down for a week. day or night. there was a short moment when the tylenol had peaked in her system where we were able to squeeze her into her monkey suit for a token "1st halloween picture" but that was about it. this morning, as she lays here next to me, it seems her snoots have thickened up instead of the lava flow of snot that has been erupting since last wednesday. her poor nose. all she had to do was see was me pulling a kleenex out of the box and she would start shaking her head back and forth and start to boob.

hey! don't you know, the more you boob the more snot is produced! stop it! stop it! stop it!

i wrote yesterday i was going to take a break. how do you take a break from weighing in on life? i keep a personal journal, i kind of always have. it is important to me. i was a communications major at ricks college when i was attending there. i had a class where i did a weekly radio show and the only thing i could talk about and play was mormon contemporary music. that stunk. i have a established blog now. i can post anything i want. i am documenting daily life, things that make me happy and sad, pictures of the kids, c.j.'s accomplishments. that doesn't stink. it keeps me on my toes, it makes me a better writer, a grateful person, a better observer, a better mother? does it? i would have to agree with sandras comment on my "over and out" post. but last night c.j. came home and twice insisted that i not stop. it is a creative outlet, our family reads it, it is worth it.

eli was a superhero for halloween. we bought a "build your own" superhero kit that had generic "superhero-y" stuff in it. a mask. a cape. some fancy cuffs. with the help of c.j., eli was transformed into the "e-machine". the funny thing was, as soon as he put on that mask, he was someone different. he walked different, talked to us like a goofy old-timey superhero, made serious superhero-y faces. it was kind of hilarious and very eli.

ida was a monkey. you know, the old navy version. i bought the costume 2 months ago and she wore it about 7.5 seconds before she burst into flames due to her fever, the costume and the ridiculousness of it all. why am i sitting here, in a thick fuzzy monkey suit, INDOORS, boiling and you are taking pictures of me???!!!!!!! ah, she will never remember the experience until she looks back at baby pictures and we will reminisce, "remember when it was your first halloween?! ooohh, you were a H1N1 infected monkey, that's riiightttt..."

good times, good times.

over and out

maybe i spend too much time updating this thing.

maybe it has been a really long sick week.

it is probably a million different things.

taking a break.

isolation

while c.j. was in las vegas seeing U2, he hooked up with the fine fellows from his high school band "isolation". they hadn't played together since '96. enjoy.